I know you see the title and you are like, why?! I get it, but do you?
I was raised by a black woman. But I never saw the dark side of what my mother may have gone through or many black women. I always looked up to my mother cause she just had that push that I thought I had. Just like us women we stay and fight through it. Little do we know, we are just fighting for justice for ourselves and others. Well, I rather say it. Leave! This is my advice to myself and others who are reading this. If he doesn't love you enough and it shows. Find a guide, which is any higher power you believe in. I feel I don't have that push because I'm back at square one. I want to be loved correctly, I have this theory it is only going to get worst if I move on. I want to be alone, but when children are involved you feel a big door shut right in front of you're face. I've heard "If I didn't have kids with you I would've been gone!" I feel like I'm speaking for a lot of mothers out there. But, it is true? No, because when you both were just enjoying life child-free and it all made sense. Until a pregnancy test is involved and the mind starts going and now both of you are confused in a blink of an eye. No one is wrong, time was passing by too fast. Here is why I stand by my title, my mother carried a huge load even if others didn't see that in their peripheral vision. My mother had a good job and had to maintain that all while having to take care of her children. We as children don't understand why our moms do what they have to do and take their anger out on us unnecessarily. I have the answer though because I AM A BLACK WOMAN. I love being one because I get up every morning to beautiful smiling faces. They call me mommy and I love every bit of it. But what I go through is in the dark and sometimes in front of them. As many times I have left. I also came back I am ashamed because I am trying to get to a place where I am safe again. Name-calling, being man-handled, etc. With all of this, it never stops me from being a black woman and or mother. I know I deserve better and I will get better before it is too late. I came up with this topic because I was in a tight spot. When I asked for help and was sent to voicemail. I couldn't tell you how exhausted I felt. I did, exactly what any other woman would do get up and keep going. Holding bags and all while grabbing my kid's hands at the same time. I have been here before many times. It just hit different that day cause I was fed up. Whether you are in a domestic violence relationship, your partner not supporting you, pouring back into you. It's time to get up and go even if it is not right away. Begin to start a plan and stay close to family, Family will always be there for you. I thank all the black mothers out there. It will get easier as long as you are applying the pressure. We all want a better us every day. So please take it one day at a time. For my mother and family, I love you so much and you all did give me that push I just didn't have the confidence to see. Peace & Love
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